請幫忙把兩個笑話翻譯成英語的
牧師：感謝上帝，我終於能見到聖母瑪利亞了. 克林頓笑著說：可惜太晚了。
Minister: Thank Goodness. I can meet Virgin Mary at last. Clinton smiled:" Unfortunately, you are too late.
2. 有個人來到壹個位於紐約帝國大廈頂端的酒吧。那兒看起來是個非常不錯的地方，他就在酒吧找了 個座位。A man came to the bar located on the top of the Empire State Building in New York. It looks great, so he took a seat in the bar.
“這地方真棒！我以前從沒來過這兒。”他對壹個坐在他旁邊的人說。 How great it is! I have never been here before." He said to the man at the next table.
“噢！真的嗎？”那人回答道。“這兒是不錯，它還是壹個極為奇特的酒吧。"Oh! Really?" the man answered. "It is a nice place. And it is a very special bar, too."
“是嗎？為什麽？” "Is it? Why?" "
“對呀！妳看到遠處墻上的那幅畫了嗎？那是壹幅凡高的真跡。而我正坐著的凳子曾是泰坦尼克號 上的。”" Yes. Have seen the painting on the wall in the distance? That is a authentic work of Van Gogh. The chair I'm sitting on was once on the Titanic.
“啊喲！太神了。”第壹個人說到。" My god! It is unbelievable!" The first man said.
“如果妳跳出窗外，下跌大約五十英尺就會被風接住並推回 來。”" If you jumped out of the window, you will be caught and pushed back by the wind when you fall about 50 feet high.
“不，那不可能！”那人嘲笑道。"No, it is impossible!" The man mocked.
“什麽不可能。看著點！”說著這人就走到那個窗戶前，打開窗戶、爬上窗臺然後跳了下去。"Nothing is impossible! Look!" With these words, the man went to the window, opened it and climbed up the windowsill, then jumped out of it.
他落下10…20…30…40…50英尺，停住，然後嗖的壹下就又回來了並且很輕松地從那個窗口中穿進來。As the height climbing from 10 to 50, he stopped and then flew back quickly. He got through the window and went in.
“看明白了嗎？有意思吧。妳應該試試。”他說。" Have you seen it clearly? It is interesting, isn't it? You should have a try." He said.
“試試？我甚至沒法相信剛才看到的。”第壹個人喊道。" Have a try? I even can't believe what I have seen." The first man shouted.
第二個人再試了了壹次然後說“試試吧”。The second man tried it again and said " Why not try it by yourself?"
“有什麽嘛！試就試。”第壹個人說完也從那個窗口跳了下去。"It is nothing. I will try" The first man said and jumped out of the window.
他落下 10…20…30…40…50…60…70…90…100英尺，然後，啪的壹聲在人行橫道上摔成馬路匹薩。 He fell 10…20…30…40…50…60…70…90…100 feet height and then broke himself into a street pizza on the cross way with a big noise.
看完這些，那第二個人漫不經心地關上窗子，回到酒吧要了壹杯酒。酒吧服務生托著酒來到他旁邊說：“妳知道，超人，妳醉的時候妳呀真是壹混蛋。" After watching that, the second man closed the window unconcernedly and walked back to the bar to ask for a glass of wine. The bar waiter took his wine to him and said" You know, superman, you are really a bastard when you are drunk."
完全手工啊,打的累死